The difference between Javascript and Java explained in great form

Here is something else you should know about Javascript that seems like it was almost designed to be confusing as possible:
– There is a programming language called Javascript.
– There is a programming language called Java.
– There is an interpreter (‘thing that makes it go’) for the programming language Javascript built into most web browsers
– There is an interpreter for the programming language Java that is sort of built in to most web browsers, or was.
– THESE TWO PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES HAVE ALMOST NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER

Back in the olden days, there was a company called Sun that had invented a programming language they decided to call Java. It was very trendy and exciting. There was a company called Netscape that made the trendiest and excitingest web browser. Sun wanted Netscape to include the magical crap that would make Java work with their browser, because everyone was gonna get Netscape, so everyone would also automatically have the stuff that makes Java programs work. On the other hand, Netscape was saying, “but lets also make our own tiny programming language that runs right in the browser so instead of having to make up new html tags like ‘blink’, web authors can make annoying shit we haven’t even thought of yet!” So they said, “Sun, we’ll ship your ‘Java’, but we want to be allowed to call our other programming language, which has absolutely no relationship to yours and is intended to do completely different things, JavaSCRIPT.” And Sun said, “OK, swell. go nuts. That won’t matter to us. ONCE JAVA TAKES OVER THE WORLD!”

So Netscape said to a guy named Brendan, who worked at Netscape, “Please make us a programming language. Also, you have to call it Javascript. Also, if you can make some of it kind-of sort-of look a bit like Java, that would be even better. Also, you have only 10 days to do this so get cracking!”

Fortunately, it turned out that Brendan was a cool genius and he secretly designed a cool programming language and dressed it up in some vaguely Java-looking disguises, kind of like how children will sometimes wear a huge cloak and stand on top of one another in order to get into R-rated films.

But Brendan’s disguise worked too well! People were like “wtf is with this crap version of Java? IT SUCKS!” Also, even a cool genius like Brendan has some some limits, so he did make a few mistakes when he was making his programming language in only 10 days. Also, because Netscape had basically thrown down the gauntlet and said, “You think the blink tag is annoying? Marquee makes you want to rip your eyeballs out? YOU HAVEN’T SEEN NOTHING!” people did manage to find insanely annoying things to do with Javascript. All the cool people installed special software on their web browser JUST TO MAKE JAVASCRIPT NOT WORK. So it took many years before people started to figure out that Brendan’s language was wrapped in an elaborate disguise and that it was actually cool.

Weirdly, some of the main people who did this were people at Microsoft, who had tried to confuse this whole mess out of existence by coming out with programming languages named stuff like J++ and JScript. Netscape, at the time, was threatening to rip Microsoft apart, like a crab rips up a cuttlefish with his claws. So Microsoft, adopting the strategy of the cuttlefish, made a million confusing “J” programming languages, hoping to escape intact. A prophet by the name of Douglas started saying, “guess what nerds, it turns out Javascript is actually sort of awesome.” He managed to attract a fair number of acolytes, who fiddled with Brendan’s invention and realized that it was rather elegant and could certainly be made to do all sorts of useful, non-annoying things on webpages, if only people would stop blocking it.

And so the era now known as Web 2.0 began. There are a lot of things people associate with Web 2.0, but for people who make the internet, one of the biggest things was seeing sites like Flickr or Oddpost do cool stuff with Javascript and other technologies that had been previously considered lame.

And then, in a sort of poetic irony that makes this story almost seem like it was pre-scripted to Teach us a Lesson, JAVASCRIPT succeeded in doing what JAVA had intended to do. Microsoft, Java, Sun, Netscape, all were brought low by their hubris. But humble Javascript, the throwaway, ‘you get 10 days to make this’, blink-tag-replacing runt of a language was able to sneak onto every computer in the world thanks to its clever disguise. Servers are written in Javascript. Databases are built to talk Javascript. The people who build browsers and operating systems move heaven and earth to make Javascript just a tiny bit faster. Java’s still out there, of course. In various forms. It probably makes sure your account is updated when you pay your water bill. It’s making the underpinnings of your android phone work. It’s figured out a way to play host to a zillion new trendier programming languages. But Javascript won the original prize.

Anyway, I’m just pointing this out because I remember the time when I didn’t know the difference between Java and Javascript and I’d find a tutorial for one or an article about the other and I was like “wtf, how do these go together.” The answer is, “they don’t. Marketing people just tried to name them as confusingly as possible.”
posted by jeb at 7:05 PM on September 7 [284 favorites]

Thx jeb!